choosing to trust

As a mom of a precious kindergartner my heart was so heavy as I saw my daughter off to school this morning. I had all weekend to snuggle her, laugh with her, and cherish all the smart and witty things she says. But the moment she jumped out of the car and ran into school this morning, I felt sad. Specifically-- I felt fear and doubt. Fearful that that will be the last time I'll see her. Fearful that the same evil, horrific thing will happen at her small school. And doubting our decision to send her to public school this year. What were we thinking?!

My heart is still grieving for those who lost loved ones on Friday. And I haven't been able to figure out how to mourn without it taking over my thoughts.

I wonder if other moms might be going through the same feelings this morning.

I can already tell it's going to be a long road of trusting The Lord and resting in Him as we finish out the school year. I need to take my thoughts captive. I will not be at the mercy of every passing fearful thought that drifts in my mind. I have the ability to take a hold of each thought and control it. (2 Cor. 10:4-5)

Psalm 46 and this message by Mark Mullery has been much comfort to my heart as I seek to replace my fears with the truth of God's word.

"Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." (Ps. 46:2-3)

-->He is here with me, never to leave me, never to forsake me. That is the message of Psalm 46. GOD IS my refuge and strength and security and assurance. 

God's agenda isn't always to remove me from whatever difficult situation I am in. But his agenda always, always, always  is to be with me. 

So I will take hold of this truth. We will finish out this year strong and fight for peace along the way. I will put off every thought that is filled with fear and doubt this morning. I will trust The Lord. 

October 21

October 21st is typically a hard day for me. It's a day that reminds me of the father that's not a part of my life. But today, God's reminded me once again that His goodness trumps all the bad that has ever happened. He just blessed me with a simple day with my family, and fun little moments like these today. Nothing major happened, just sweet little times like this.

I am grateful for this family. I am grateful for my husband.  I am grateful for my step dad who loves us so much! I am grateful for my amazing mom who cared for us so very well growing up. I am grateful for my beautiful children. I am grateful for sweet friends that remind me regularly that God is good, and at work. I am grateful for God redeeming dear family members and friends from the bondage of addiction and giving them another chance at life. So grateful.

Every blessing you pour out 
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord 
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be the name

...and pictures of chincoteague

no crazy long stories. just pictures of a short but great time with cousins.

Chincoteague Island | Aug 2012

it was so fun to watch these girls together. they were two peas in a pod.

gray was so happy to play in the sand. such a boy.

Rylie having a blast in the waves

my favorite picture. :)

daisy + gray 

my sweetie

it was really truly this breathtakingly beautiful. 

he adores jonf.

McCarthy is the very best big brother.

Daisy

Uncle Jonf putting together the grill with Carth

dinner on the beach

football with the boys

summer 2012

i'm so bad with grammar. i'd like to think that i'm good at... everything... but i'm not. i'm not a writer. i don't even know when to capitalize letters. i don't even know how to spell capitalize. spell check caught that one for me, which is why it's correct. haha. so all that said... trying to figure out proper grammar slows me down. so i'm not gonna do it for this post. i'm just gonna write!! :) and i'm prob gonna add lots of smilies becaussssse i like to smile!

__________________________

no more apologies for not updating my "poor neglected blog" any earlier. :-p life is busy. i can barely find time to wash my face most mornings. though i have to say, i love the busy-ness of having two small children. typical summer days at home with my lovies have been filled with loads of laundry, littlest pet shops, teaching Sky how to read + write, dance parties, new recipies, trips to the park, dealing with temper tantrums (both mine and the kids'), picture-taking, making new friends, and about 4-5 dirty diaper changes a day. 

sky's hair straightened for the first time

backyard pool time

silliness

creative lunches

dance parties

first ice cream truck experience

daily tantrums

vacation bible school

dressing herself

bible stories with daddy

kisses from brother when sky fell asleep on the sofa

my puppy.

life isn't perfect. life is actually really difficult most of the time. if i'm being honest here, the past two years have been two of the most difficult years for me. yet i feel like God has sustained me through it all, and out of his love and kindness he is helping me to grow into the kind of woman i've always wanted to be in the first place. the biggest lesson i feel like God's been teaching me is the importance of kindness. the importance of loving everyone. the importance of being responsible for my thoughts and my words and my attitude and the way i both directly and indirectly make people feel. and the importance of forgiving those that have hurt me. through these things i've been discovering the grace and the power of the gospel all over again, as though for the first time. and the rest i have to say on this topic is saved for my journal. 

but as you also can probably relate, life has it's really, super duper sweet spots in it too. i look + search for these moments throughout the day. and when my iphone or camera is nearby, i grab it and take a picture of it. it helps me to stay sane. to focus on all that is good. it helps me to thank the Lord for all he has provided for me.

i have enjoyed so many sweet spots this summer! i've gotten to know this gem of a person, Bethany Starin. have you ever become fast friends with someone, and you look back at how your life was just 6 months ago and you can't remember what life was like before they ever came along? 

that's how i feel about this dear one. she's a gift. an inspiration, really. someone who truly loves her husband and her family and lays down her life for others that she barely knows. she likes to craft, cook, try new things, and visit new places. annnnd i just like her a whole stinkin' lot. :) i wanna be like her.

here's something else that's been so awesome this summer. i've gotten to know my sisters more.

we've become like best friends.

not that we weren't close before. this wouldn't be true. since my mom and step-dad married in '99, God knitted us together instantaneously into this radical sisterhood. but it seems to be turning into something deeper. something even more real and lovely and wonderful...

...and i'm so grateful.

our home has been filled with sincere little notes this summer, as Schuyler is learning how to read and how to write.

we've also had some pretty fun lake + pool trips.

Sky also got her ears pierced...

...on the same day that her newest cousin Reveille Elle was born. 

i got my tragus pierced, a part of my ear that i didn't even know could be pierced.

it was so on a whim and i only did it because my sisters were with me, chanting me on.

it hurt like crazyyyy! but i love it.

(i bet you're reaching for your ear right now feeling your tragus. it's thick.)

as you can imagine, we've spent a good amount of time with our dearest family friends that live right next door. Reagan Avonlea just turned ONE. 

it's been filled with worn out knock knock jokes and silly made up songs...

and a cuddly sick boy who, for some reason, keeps catching colds.

it's been filled with delicious midnight snacks and date nights at home...

and fun DIY projects like this chalkboard and pictures hung for our bedroom.

and lots of picture-taking of the middletown sky.

so many sweet spots. so many reasons to smile in the midst of difficulty. so much grace. 

:)